I reading…

When MB was little (less than two, I’m sure) she was perched on a chair on top of our bed with an upside down book in her hands. When I asked what she was doing, she innocently replied “I reading.”
I don’t know how or if you read the Bible. But I’ve been reading it for a while now and it pretty much always surprizes me. How can a book you’ve read for 30 years still be fresh and new? Maybe I used to read it upside down and now it’s right side up…I don’t know.
I do know that I read it differently than I used to. Read in bits & pieces, with someone elses opinions about it close at hand, I’d pour over it underlining phrases. Then I went through a “read the bible in a year” phase and felt so guilty that I couldn’t keep the rigid schedule I just about gave up on reading it altogether. For a while I’d read a Psalm and a Proverb each day.
Now, when I have time and am compelled, I’ll sit down & read it like a novel…that’s probably my favorite way. But I also take passages and read & reread them for days.
This morning I opened up to Psalm 25 (which was heavily marked up, meaning it’s been read lots) and started reading, again (italics and unending questions mine)…

To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
ahhh, trust, it always comes back to trust…

Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me. hmmm…I don’t have enemies…but I guess I have an Enemy…
No one whose hope is in you

will ever be put to shame, is that true?? do I really believe that? that anyone who hopes in you will NEVER be put to shame? Why, then, does it seem that godly people are shamed for what they believe or shamed because of others sins? hmmmm…
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse. but I see evil succeed every day…
Show me your ways, O LORD,

teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior, You are…
and my hope is in you all day long. it is…it has to be…it’s survival…
Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
this always hits me…so much shame in my past…

and my rebellious ways; “prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love”…
according to your love remember me, your love is the only thing that saves me…
for you are good, O LORD.
Good and upright is the LORD;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. I need instruction…
He guides the humble in what is right I need humility, a teachable spirit…

and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
ALL the ways…all…

for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O LORD,

forgive my iniquity, though it is great. there it is again…for YOUR sake, not mine, forgive me for Your sake, for Your name, not for my own…
Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?

He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. way chosen for him…wow, I spend a lot of time thinking people in my life should be instructed a certain way, my way, according to what I think is best…but you’ll instruct according to the way chosen for each individual…
He will spend his days in prosperity, so, if I’m good, faithful and filled with hope I’ll spend my days in prosperity? what kind?

and his descendants will inherit the land. hmmm, real estate…so if I’m good, faithful etc, I’ll get more property? pretty sure that’s not what that means…but what do I know…
The LORD confides in those who fear him; I love that about you, God, that you choose to confide in us…that you share parts of your plan with us…you wouldn’t have to but you do…I wonder why?

he makes his covenant known to them. I always feel greedy for more…more knowledge, more confidences…more trust…more…
My eyes are ever on the LORD,

for only he will release my feet from the snare. whom have I in heaven but you…
Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted. lonely, alone, afflicted, pathetic…
The troubles of my heart have multiplied; heart troubles are the worst…

free me from my anguish. ahhh, sweet freedom…
Look upon my affliction and my distress

and take away all my sins. all my sins…there are so many…and so many that I hold onto and don’t want taken away…
See how my enemies have increased

and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me
; “I need you Jesus to come to my rescue…”

let me not be put to shame; there’s that word again…
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,

because my hope is in you. hope, healing, life, freedom, grace, peace…it’s all in you…
Redeem Israel, O God,

from all their troubles.

Well, thanks for reading along with me. If my side notes were distracting, go read it for yourself and see where He takes you…

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