Mid sentence I realized I was doing it.
Somewhere in the conversation I’d ceased really listening and started planning what I’d say back. Without being aware, I had an agenda and I was implementing it; making sure she knew what I thought, knew, and understood.
I had something to prove. I quit listening to her with an ear and heart to minister and understand her, and listened only for how I could respond in a way that would show her that a)I’m not the idiot I think she thinks I am and 2) I am a faith-filled person even if I think she doubts it.
Instead of genuinely putting her needs and concerns above my own, I pushed my own agenda of being understood. It doesn’t happen very often–this need to prove myself–but once in a while it rears it’s ugly head.
I’m sure to the casual observer nothing seemed amiss, but I knew what was driving my end of the conversation. I gave myself the mental equivalent of a slap and continued the conversation with a different motive and attitude. I have no idea if she noticed or not, but it made all the difference on my end.
Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”