I’ve had a hard time posting lately.
Not because of technical difficulties.
Not because of lack of material. No, I’ve written volumes.
But the volumes are filled with my lastest bout with depression which is frankly, well, depressing and doesn’t make for great reading.
For 23 years I’ve dealt with the ups and downs of clinical depression. I’m at a point now, of understanding that I’ve done everything I can do to bring relief and healing. Medication, counseling, prayer, scripture, supportive community…I’ve experienced it all and thank God for all of it.
There have been measures of healing and times of living symptom free, again, thank God.
But no matter how much I beg God, He, so far, has not completely removed the burden. I don’t know why and ultimately it doesn’t matter.
The point is, it’s something He wants me to live with and continue experiencing.
Only He can bring complete relief and in my case, He doesn’t. He’s taught me lessons, used my experiences to help others, given me tools to handle it, but He hasn’t brought complete healing.
I know many of you reading this can’t possibly understand and are filled with questions, judgments, and possible remedies.
I also know that some of you reading this struggle too, perhaps silently.
Others have people in their lives that they can see deal with depression and are at a loss to help.
I’m not writing this for any ones sympathy, pity or advice.
I offer my story as a testament to God’s power (for keeping me alive & functioning) and His faithfulness (for in reality, never leaving me even when it feels like it) and His sovereignty (He will bring healing when it suits His purpose).
It’s also offered, hoping that it causes those of you prone to judge others struggling, to reserve judgement, those of you prone to depression to tell someone, and those dealing with it in someone elses life to pursue that person so they don’t feel so alone.