Obsessing. When something upsets me, usually relationally, I obsess. I stew. I ruminate. I can’t stop thinking about it.
The other day I had a disturbing call. No, it wasn’t one of those life changing, earth shattering calls. It was just a garden variety sucky call. Feeling defeated, attacked and generally harassed by life, it took all my mental and spiritual energy to stop replaying the call over and over in my head. The same thing happened on Facebook the other day. I’m not even positive the person was being mean, but it felt cutting and if I think about it for more than .5 seconds, I’m stuck there. Again consumed in a silly cycle of self deprecation and prideful blaming.
Thankfully, I’ve pretty much gotten over the adolescent notion that if someone is upset it usually has something to do with me. I know that most of the time when someone’s not ok, even if they lash out at me, there’s something deeper behind it. I’m merely the recipient of the emotional vomit.
So, I can know this and yet, I still obsess.
The apostle Paul encouraged the people of Corinth to …”take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ…”. Capturing thoughts tonight feels like an impossible task; they come so fast and furious. How can they be reigned in? Tamed?
And yet I’m promised that God, who started this good work of salvation and new life in me back when I was just 7 years old, will be faithful and steadfast to complete it.
So, even though it feels like I’m chasing the fluffy seeds from a dandelion while they float ever higher in the air, I keep rounding up the thoughts giving them back to the One who started all this good work.