Blank pages

Type a sentence.

Delete the sentence.

Type another.

Delete.

Stare at the screen.

Start typing.

Stop typing.

Stare some more.

Delete everything.

Hit “New Post” button and repeat the process.

Walk away and let another day pass.

A million thoughts run through my mind. None seem to stay long enough to be put into actual ideas. Flitting through my brain like a drunken butterfly roaming from flower to flower they never stay long enough to grow and develop.

Posts about rebelliousness. Posts about cancer. Posts about weariness. Posts about hardships and trials. Posts about beauty. Posts about things that upset me. Posts about my family, my kids, my friends. Happy posts. Hopeful posts. Depressing posts. Post after post after post half completed sitting in my “drafts” folder.

My brain’s been thrown into a whirlpool spinning endlessly around.

Unlike writing, avoidance comes easily.
I avoid conflict.
I avoid dairy.
I avoid work.
I avoid people.
I avoid talking. yes…I do…believe it or not….

There’s too much. So much of life feels like it can’t be shared right now. Not in a blog. And not in person. For so many reasons, right now, at least one major part of my existence remains wholly private.
What do I write about when I can’t share the thing closest to my heart and foremost in my mind?

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3 thoughts on “Blank pages

  1. Patty … somehow you've gotten in and written exactly what's in my heart and on my mind, too. Exactly. I don't know what your Unwriteable is (obviously), but I'll pray that God will give you whatever you stand in need of, when you can't share that need with almost anyone besides Him. Love you!

  2. It amazes me how God uses even our private, unshared thoughts to minister to each other. Thank you for praying…I'll be on my knees for you as well. Love you too.

  3. I can relate to this. Especially on Facebook, where I can never think of anything really clever to write. I have many deep thoughts swimming in my head, but no unction to put them down. I really believe this is the Lord and at times like these we are to be silent. To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. I have always liked your transparency and I know your heart is knit to others through His Spirit. Blessings, Annie

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