Insecurity Check.

I did it again. Hitting the reply to all button I voiced only half my opinion and said it in a wishy washy way even though I actually had a strong argument. Why do I do that? Why am I so afraid of offending? Of disagreeing with others? It’s ridiculous. Some of it’s insecurity. And some of it is genuinely not wanting to put people off in a way that would keep them from God. But really, it’s mostly because I’m a relationship person and if relationships aren’t ok then nothing feels ok. Take today for example. There’s a good chance I’m going to run into someone I know from my past at the cross country meet. The last time I saw her, the reception was chilly at best. It’s all I can do to not obsess about seeing her again. Will she ignore me this time? Will she be civil? Why do I care so much? If she doesn’t like me she doesn’t like me. All I can do is be kind and be myself. I can’t control her response any more than I can control the weather so why spend so much brain energy on it?

Arghhh.

That’s it. Next time I’m asked for an opinion, I’m giving it in full.

Maybe.

Unless is controversial.

Or I feel like I do today.

And at the meet today?

I will not obsess I will not obsess I will not obsess I will not obsess I will not obsess I will not obsess I will not obsess

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