Blur

Do you remember the trailer for the movie “Click” with Adam Sandler?  He’s standing still in the middle of his living room and his life is swirling around him like a tornado.  I feel like that right now.  There’s a line from the u2 song Moment of Surrender: every eye looking every other way counting down til the pain would stop.  Sometimes I feel like I’m not living life but life is happening to me and I’m stuck in a giant cosmic clock counting down my days.  I hate that.  It’s when I start to feel trapped and purposeless.  Each day deteriorates into simply surviving and accomplishing the bare necessities for everyone around me.  I try to be in the moment, not miss the little things, focus on people and keep my perspective, but it can be hard at times. 

the tyranny of the urgent…

The weekend’s over and it’s hard to recall what I did.   Oh yeah…Friday: migraine most of the day and taking my 14-year-old to get her learners permit…Saturday: cakes, State Cross Country Meet, driving, eating out, Coffee house…Sunday: church, eating, carving pumpkins, visiting Grandma, praying with Kay.  Laundry… food… emails sent and read… tv watched… eating…talking…laughing…wondering…

And now it’s Monday again.  Is the value of life measured in productivity? Usefulness? Relationships?  What’s the difference between living and life happening?  Attitude?  Perspective?  Purpose?  Everyone says they want their life to count.  But why?  Why does it matter if you or anyone else perceives that your life counts?  Does it make a difference in eternity?  Does it even make a difference now?  Should it make a difference?

questions questions always questions…I wish I could turn my brain off.

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4 Replies to “Blur”

  1. Isn’t it funny that I wrote this just hours before our conversation?

    I get that our lives count and have purpose (Matt. 5), but sometimes life feels much more like Ecclesiastes (meaningless, meaningless…) than purposeful.

    But you already know that.

    Either way-no matter if it’s an Eccl. day or a Matt. day, I’m glad we walk the road together.

    1. You’re always so kind to me…thank you.

      Sadly, a busy brain doesn’t always equal a higher intellect. If only the two were mutually exclusive!

      But seriously, as I read your comment and thought about my post and recent state of being, Paul’s words in Romans came to mind: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” I spend a lot of time copying instead of being transformed and changed. It makes me thankful, once again, that He holds onto me because I’m terrible at holding onto Him.

      Again, thank you for stopping, commenting and loving!

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