I didn’t cry.
People kept asking me if I was sad that my last child was finished with the grade school we’ve been a part of for 15 years. I’m not. It’s time to move on. She’s ready for high school. I’m proud of the beautiful young lady she’s becoming and that makes me smile and look expectantly to Hannah’s future.
Thursday night I had a few tears.
As I listened to the speakers and songs and watched her walk across the stage to receive the reward for four years of hard work, I dabbed away salty tears. Proud of not only her accomplishments, but more importantly, MB’s character, my heart swelled.
Then last night at the party, surrounded my faithful friends-women who step in and step up to serve and minister and love- a barrage tears came. I barely got out three words of a prayer and choked on my emotions. Then as waves of people showed up bringing congratulations and kind words and blessings, I was acutely aware of all the gifts of this life…Brad and my beautiful children, parents, grand parents, siblings, dear friends, and an amazing church family...and more tears came.
And this morning, amid the remnants of last nights festivities and the diploma and gold chords and tired people and a mess, I am tired and overwhelmed. And, although most of it’s happy, a part of me panics. And it’s so many emotions and feelings and thoughts that it’s hard to be coherent about what makes me panic (as evidenced by this ramble-y post). So I sit and I pray and I read the words of Psalm 46:
Desist and learn that I am God,
supreme over the nations,
supreme over the earth.
Supreme over my joys and circumstances and fears, He reigns. And as I desist, I learn-just a little more-that that He Is.