Grace at the gas pump

Long day.  Tired legs.  Ringing ears.  I walked in the door.
Home.
Coats, backpacks, shoes all blocking the doorway.  Dishes in the sink.  Mess.  Chaos.
And I lost it.  The rampage began and the tirade continued for several minutes until I wisely left to fill the car up with gas.
We pulled in at the same time, she and I.  Her warm smile and kind greeting began to melt my cold cold angry heart.  She asked how I was.  fine {lie}.  She saw through it.  Immediately.  As I pumped my gas, she lovingly, patiently told me about her day and kept asking questions –waiting for honesty.
Finally, she got it.  I let fly all the frustration and anger and annoyance I was feeling.  I vented and she listened.  And when I was done, she hugged me.  The “it’s gonna be ok” kinda hug.  And it was ok.  Because, let’s face it, coming home to a mess when you’re tired and had a long, sucky day– in the grand scheme of things–just isn’t that big a deal.
Then she asked about my mom and how we were doing with our grief.  And I started to cry.  At the gas pump.  And she hugged me again and let me cry.  The reality of Dad’s absence continues to be felt more acutely with each passing day/week/month.  And some times the grief feels like too much and it makes the messes and yucky days seem worse.  And she got that.
It’s a good thing no one was waiting to use the pumps because I don’t think we would have moved for them.  We just kept talking and slowly, the anger dissipated and the grief faded a bit and I knew it would be ok to go back home.  Grace, rained down and surrounded me and filled me up at the gas pump.

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6 Replies to “Grace at the gas pump”

  1. Patty, your post brought tears to my eyes—tears on so many levels. . . your transparency. . . your pain. . . your grief. . . overwhelming emotions. . . How gracious and caring of our Father to send someone. His timing is always perfect! Hugs

    1. Thank you, Aunt Joyce. And thank you for your encouraging notes and pictures from Dad’s funeral. Indeed, God is gracious and He does always provide! {{hugs}} to you as well.

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